Wild Card Weekend Results:

6. New York Jets @ 3. Indianapolis Colts:  Colts 31, Jets 30.

5. Baltimore Ravens @ 4. Kansas City Chiefs:  Chiefs 24, Ravens 17.

6. Green Bay Packers @ 3. Philadelphia Eagles: Eagles 14, Packers 7.

And the one we care about, according to Madden:

5. NOR @ 4. SEA 1/8/11, 3:30 PM

Played the game without Colston, P. Thomas, Ivory, M. Jenkins, Graham, and Roby. Henderson returned kicks, Bush returned punts.

First Quarter: Seattle breaks off a big play for a first down, then go three and out, punt. Shockey finishes a 12-play, 65-yard drive with a TD on 4th and goal from the one. I had to think about this play hard. Would Coach Payton do this? And I think he would (and will) go for it in some of these critical situations during the playoffs.  Seahawks get the ball to Marshawn Lynch on 3rd and 10, who is just past the first down marker when Shanle strips him, and Sharper returns the fumble for a TD. Seattle wins on the challenge of the play, but has to settle for a 52-yard field goal attempt after the defense holds them on 3rd and inches. Danny Noonan. Danny Noooonaaann! Miss it, miss it, Noonan! He missed it! At the end of the first, it’s Saints 7, Seahawks 0.

Second Quarter: Five plays and 57 yards later, Shockey scores his second TD, this time from eight yards out. Saints D, now starting to figure out Hasselbeck, holds Seattle to a three and out. Reggie! Reggie! Reggie! Reggie brings the punt back to the Seattle 46. Meachem drops a TD on 3rd and one from the 8, and Saints settle for a 23-yard Hartley FG. Seattle is in the two minute offense and picks up yardage in big chunks to get into the red zone. Sharper picks off Hasselbeck on the 9 but is hurt. New Orleans has 0:49 and three time outs.  No problem. Moore hauls in an 80-yard bomb to get to the one. Bush runs it in on the next play. At halftime, it’s Saints 24, Seahawks 0.

Third Quarter: Saints get the ball first and go 61 yards in seven plays, capped by a 16-yard Dave Thomas score. Seattle’s Lynch scores on the next possession. Devery Henderson brings back the ensuing kickoff 96 yards for a TD. Saints 38, Seahawks 7.

Fourth Quarter: Seattle three and out, then the Saints score on a 12-yard Dave Thomas TD at the end of a 6-play, 54-yard drive. Seattle turns it over on downs. New Orleans runs out the clock. Final Score: Saints 45 – Seahawks 7.

Player of the Game: Brees 20/24, 300 yards, 4 TDs, 0 INTs.  Rushing: J. Jones 8-37, Bush 6-18, 1 TD. Receiving: Meachem 5-86, Evans 4-34, Bush, 2-46, Shockey 2-9, 2 TDs, D. Thomas 2-31, 2 TDs, Moore 2/92. Greer, Ellis, one sack each. Sharper 1 INT, Henderson 2 KR for 119 yards, TD.

Looking forward to: Bush naysayers eating crow after he turns it on for the playoffs.

Not looking forward to: Green Bay losing and the Saints faint hopes of a home playoff game evaporating.

Media Prediction: ESPN has 90-minute special on Tom Brady’s hair.

Madden Tip: Hey Madden, here’s a tip for you. Where’s the feature for a mini-tournament? That would be great this time of year. It would be great to have a round robin version as well as single elimination tourney with up to 12 teams to simulate the playoffs.

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WILD CARD ROUND

#6 Jacksonville @ #3 Indianapolis: Indy wins the rubber match at home.

#5 Baltimore @ #4 Kansas City: Ravens win on “been here before”.

#6 Philadelphia @ #3 Chicago: Philly has too many playmakers.

#5 New Orleans @ #4 St. Louis: Rematch goes worse for Rams than the first bout.

DIVISIONAL ROUND

#5 Baltimore @ #1 New England: Brady destroys in payback for last year’s playoff loss.

#3 Indianapolis @ #2 Pittsburgh: Defense smothers Payton.

#6 Philadelphia @ #1 Atlanta: TV’s slobbering like a choked out dog for this match-up. ATL.

#5 New Orleans @ #2 NY Giants: The best defense wins this one. Saints in a tight one.

CONFERENCE CHAMPIONSHIPS

#2 Pittsburgh @ #1 New England: Steelers can’t keep up.

#5 New Orleans @ Atlanta: Rubber match will be won on Garrett Hartley’s foot.

SUPER BOWL XLV

New Orleans vs. New England: The best two teams in football match 12- and 10-game winning streaks. The best two coaches in football have two weeks to prepare for each other. The best two quarterbacks in football both have their legacies on the line. In the end, the Saints defense gives Tom Brady Peyton Manning’s “bitter beer” face. Brees throws five touchdowns, zero interceptions for the Super Bowl MVP and the Two Dat!

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Whoa. Duuuude. That was close. Really close. Waayyyy closer than it should have been. I really thought the Saints would march into Atlanta and burn the Georgia Dome down like General Sherman. But the men in black seem to find themselves in these supertight, last drive decides it, oh-my-God-how’s-it-gonna-end games a lot this year. Eight such contests in 2010 have been decided by a touchdown or less. Here’s the good news – they’re 6-2 in such close battles, with the two losses coming to the Falcons in their first meeting, and the Ravens loss two weeks ago. I believe this is what Brees means by “Battle Tested”. Can you win the tough ones? Can you deliver when everyone’s counting on you? Can you overcome adversity, especially if you bring it on yourselves (see Brees’ two fourth quarter picks)? It might not be so great for the collective mental health of the Who Dat Nation, but it’s nice to know there’s always hope with number nine in the huddle. And let’s not forget the defense that is apparently lacking in any Pro Bowl talent – this collection of just so-so players held the Falcons’ offense to just seven points – and won this game.

The Pro Bowl snubs will only add fuel to Gregg Williams’ fire and brimstone style of motivation as the Saints march into the playoffs (No Vilma? Greer? Harper? Jenkins? Really? Come on!). And it’s a good thing too, because the offense will be under attack from now on. The Falcons came in with a surprising, and well executed, plan to stop Brees – send the house at him every time. Lucky Pierre got 67 hard-earned yards on the ground, but it took him 17 carries. And without a more consistent running attack (Ivory? Anyone seen Ivory?) to keep defenses honest, expect opposing Ds to keep on dialing up the pressure. I’m sure Payton and Brees are practicing the counter attack for this right now, but until they burn a few blitzes, there’s going to be lots more of that.

Tampa Bay has impressed by being a year or two ahead of schedule. Josh Freeman, and the 85 rookies starting for the Bucs, are playing like a team that’s been together for years. Much like Atlanta and Carolina, they’re going to want to play keep away from the Saints O (All the NFC South teams are now built, or being built, to beat the Saints) by pounding undrafted free agent LaGarrette Blount inside and outside all day. Williams, Stroughter, Spurlock, and Winslow lead an underrated receiving corps that makes tough catches on third down. The Bucs will provide some tough games for the Saints for years to come – but not this year. Here’s what Madden had to say:

No Marcus Colston for this matchup. Wonder how Meachem and Henderson will do without his steady presence? Tampa gets the ball and promptly goes three and out, but Brees throws an INT. Greer gets his hands on an errant Freeman pass the next play.

Greer taking candy from a very large baby.

The Saints march to an 11-yard Meachem TD. Vilma grabs another INT on the next possession and P. Thomas catches an 11-yard TD. Yet another Bucs three and out is punctuated by a Vilma sack.

That no- count, no Pro Bowlin’ m-effer Jonathan Vilma!

The ensuing drive ends with Meachem’s second TD, this time from 16 yards out. Tampa goes to the air and the Bucs’ Stovall catches a TD. Hartley tacks on a 35 -ard FG. Shockey hauls in a TD and Stroughter catches another Tampa TD. Henderson burns the Bucs with little time left in the half on a 71-yard TD bomb to send the game into half time with the Saints up 38-14.

You’re not going to catch Henderson. Nanny, nanny, boo boo!

Saints are stoned on third and one at the goal, settling for a 20-yard Hartley FG. Greer picks off his second INT followed by another 38-yard Hartley FG. Spurlock scores on a ridiculous hail Mary. Shockey answers with his second TD to finish the scoring.

Bucs bring the house and Brees makes them pay.

Final Score: Saints 51- Bucs 21. Rushing: Ivory 7-31, P. Thomas 7-38, Bush 4-52.  Receiving: Meachem 4-63, 2 TDs, Shockey 4-56, 2TDs, P. Thomas 3-23, TD, Henderson 2-80, TD. Hartley 3/3 in FGAs, long of 38, 6/6 XPs. Player of the Game Drew Brees completes 19 of 26, for 6 TDs and 1 INT.

Looking forward to: It’s a ways away, and hard to predict, but wouldn’t it be great to see the Saints put an end to the Bears overachieving season? After hearing stories of how Bears fans treated their Who Dat visitors in the 2006 NFC Championship, I can’t wait.

Not looking forward to: No Colston. He’s always drawing the attention of at least two defenders. Look for Payton to call Reggie, PT’s, and the tight end’s numbers a lot in his absence.

Media Prediction: The NFC playoffs will become a secondary story – useful only for Michael Vick discussions and in determining who will lose to the Patriots in the Super Bowl. Then watch the Pats lose to the Steelers in the AFC title game.

Madden Tip: Carolina has been bad this season but it is quite possible for them to beat the Falcons. Their D can stop Matty Ice and Co., and in my research (cough, cough) game, Clausen throws three TDs to Steve Smith in a 28-21 victory. Wishful thinking, I know, but the Panthers are not as bad as their record makes it seem. It’s been a great season playing Madden and writing about it for all of you. Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed my bullshit! Looking forward to pulling even more out of my ass for the playoffs! Two Dat! Sincerely, Chris Lee, Fake Football Expert.

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Well that was rough. The Saints defense spotted the Ravens 21 points before settling down to hold them to three field goals the rest of the way. But it put Brees and the offense in the position of having to throw a million times versus about two rushing attempts. Sean Payton clearly had the idea that they should pass early, get a lead, take away the Ravens running game, and put the offense in the hands of Joe Flacco. Great plan – on paper. It worked against the Rams at home a week earlier. Too bad Ray Rice decided to have a career day and the Saints D seemed determined to go for the ball instead of tackle. That’s the risk part of this high risk/reward plan – when you can’t or won’t run the ball, when you make your job harder with drops and penalties, when you don’t convert third downs, you end up in a big hole, and never get the chance to pound it out on the ground late.

If the elements were a factor, and they were, I think it was simply that it was cold enough to make you think about it. And when you’re thinking about the cold, you’re not focusing on the play at hand. I grew up in Alaska, but I’ve lived in New Orleans so long, that when I go home, all I can think about is how fucking cold it is. I can imagine the Saints were thinking a little too much during the Ravens game. “Damn, I’m cold. I can’t feel my fingers. Does that mean I’m getting frostbite? Wait, does that guy have the ball? Shit! He did have the ball!” or “Gonna take a super hot shower after the game for about three hours. Gonna be sweet. Hey! A ball! Whoops! Wasn’t ready for that!” They are definitely headed for an outdoor stadium – most likely in Philadelphia, Chicago, New York, or Green Bay, in that order. And that’s if they can get past the winner of the NFC West. So this year’s Saints had better get used to playing in the cold someway, somehow. Maybe the Vikings will let them use the Minnesota Gophers stadium to practice? Honestly, as a fan, there’d be nothing better than seeing New Orleans beat the Bears at Soldier Field in payback for the 2006 NFC title loss – other than taking this year’s championship from the Falcons in Atlanta.

Despite all that, Brees and Co. nearly came all the way back to win it. They had a chance for another miracle two-minute drill, but the Ravens D stopped them.  Just remember that not everyone has the Ravens D, and in a rematch, I’m positive the Saints would beat these guys – with the same game plan plus Ivory. Funny how much we missed that guy even though he’s really just arrived. Just chalk this loss up as a “sometimes things just don’t go your way” type deal, and let’s hope this game stays fresh in the Saints minds during their upcoming playoff run. At the end of Sunday, nothing had changed. Atlanta kept on pace for the number one NFC seed, and the Saints are still looking at the fifth seed. I still see the Saints as the most feared match-up for any of the teams that make the  tournament. What does Madden have to say about tonight’s game?

Michael Turner is pretty bad ass and a threat to take it the distance every time he touches the ball. Snelling is an underated backup who is also dangerous. White and Gonzalez are tough to cover one on one, so the key is stopping Turner. With that in mind, I load the box – and Turner runs for a 67 yard TD on the second play. Dammit! Weather the storm, Lee, this ain’t going to be a seven-nothing game. New Orleans responds with a long drive and a 28 yard Shockey TD. ATL goes three and out, then Bush runs in a 4-yard TD.

Bush scores.

ATL is stopped again, and Bush has a big return. Meachem grabs a 14-yard TD five plays later.

Meachem makes a tough catch.

Another ATL three and out followed by a 29-yard Henderson TD!

Brees rolls out and finds Henderson.

Saints up 28-7 in the second quarter. Turner then breaks 18 tackles on another long TD run. Saints go three and out. Could the Falcons climb back into this one?  Not after Jabari Greer picks off Matty Ice for a TD!

Ryan has time and finds … Greer?

ATL goes 3 and out in the two minute drill – but not Drew Brees. Saints march sixty yards in three plays and 41 seconds for another Shockey TD.  At half time, it’s already over Saints 42- Falcons 14.  Roddy White scores a meaningless TD late, but it pisses me off. So, with 9 seconds left, I pull the dick move and throw long to Colston. Touchdown, Saaaaaints!

Colston finds the end zone.

The lesson here? 1. I’m a dick, 2. Fuck you, Falcons, and 3. Here’s payback for Roddy White going “Aints” this week.

POG Brees goes 15/26, 339 yards, 5 TDs and 1 INT. Turner is 18/175 (better strap it on Saints!), 2 TDs, and 1 Fumble in a Saints 49 – 21 thrashing.

Looking forward to: I know I keep dogging Rex Ryan, but this guy just keeps the hits coming. I can’t wait for him to address this. The guy’s a born entertainer and keeps proving it week after week.

Not looking forward to: Let me ask you this: If the Saints win on Monday night, they’ll have wrapped up the fifth seed and have nothing to play for in their final home game against Tampa. Will Payton rest his starters? I’d guess yes. And that sucks for my Drew Brees-led fantasy football team, Teem Geenyus of the Balls Deep League. The Geenyuses won the Ball Washers divisional playoff over the Liberty Balls, and faces winter of the Dingleberries division, Team Counterpunch, for the title, $300, and most importantly, bragging rights for a year. Really not looking forward to losing this. Maybe Chase Daniel is available on the free agency wire?

Media Prediction: Division winners Bears, Chiefs, NFC West-TBD, will still not taken as seriously as likely wild cards Jets and Ravens. Atlanta/New England Super Bowl hype ends before it starts after Monday night and media focus will turn to the Michael Vick led Eagles. Michael Clayton accidentally messes his pants with excitement when he uses “Michael Vick” and “Matty Ice” in the same sentence.

Madden Tip: Everyone keeps telling me that I shouldn’t play the upcoming Saints match-ups for the prediction. Instead, I should let the computer play the teams because it’s more fair and accurate. But what’s the fun in that? I started playing Madden in part to defy the expectations of the Saints during the lean years. Now that they’re good I’m gonna stop? Screw that!

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Just when you thought the Saints were going to let yet another team climb back into the game, Malcolm Jenkins takes the ball, and the momentum, back to the Saints’ side permanently. That’s twice in three weeks he’s turned around a game with one play. Big plays on both offense and defense. Special teams turns in their best performance of the year at just the right time. Running game gets healthy for the stretch run and in turn, the play action sees some action! A healthy, quality, much needed, three-phase win, where the outcome was really never in doubt after Jenkins TD. More like that, please.

Loved the 3 p.m. kickoff. Absolutely loved it. Dear NFL, can we have the West coast teams’ schedule? It would be great to see the Saints play at 3 for every home, non-prime time game. It’s great for the city’s businesses, great for television – the Saints are now worth big ratings in the rest of the country- and fans can leisurely cure their Saturday night hangovers rather than blearily chug bloody Mary’s in line at the Dome. We New Orleanians are practiced in the art of what my drummer calls “PTK”, or Party Til Kickoff (He actually says it “Pawty Til Kickoff, brah”, as he downs the rest of the Jack), and we love the extra pawtyin’ time. The 3 p.m. kickoff means that many more hours for hundreds of thousands of area fans to consume brunches, dinners, beers, cocktails, and indulge in general Saints mayhem. That’s good for New Orleans, good for the NFL, and good for TV.

Inside the dome, however, I have some serious problems, mostly stemming from a lack of communication with the fans. There are never stats posted from the game we are watching, let alone from other games around the league. When Courtney Roby went down, no one knew what was going on or even who was down. How about an announcement? Or a graphic on a screen? And since phones don’t work in there, we couldn’t even check what was up on the web. Hey Saints brass, here’s an idea: how about hire a guy whose job it is to keep the 70,000 people who spend a jillion dollars every week up to date on your and the NFL’s product?  Or if that’s too much money, maybe just spend $40 on a wireless router so we can do it ourselves. The state of Louisiana gives you $15 million a year – and our tax dollars aren’t at work. They’re leaning on a shovel. What’s that? Oh right, sorry. That’s the “Don’t Make Me Move to L.A. Tax”.  (Sigh) Never mind, I’ll check up on Roby and my fantasy leagues when I get home.

Baltimore looked really good on Monday against Houston. Then they looked really tired and old. I’m hoping that game and the short week takes something out of them. The cold and snow is always a factor, and with a potential outdoor playoff match up at Chicago, New York, Philadelphia, or Green Bay looming, this game could be a good indication of future success on the road in the elements. Can the Saints build on their solid team effort? Will the cold/snow/wind affect them? Here’s what Madden had to say:

Heath Evans scores.

Playing the Saints offense on Madden without Pierre and Reggie for so long has been like driving a Porsche with a flat tire. Not the worst, but not awesome. Now they’re back, and with the emergence of Ivory, it’s like driving a pod racer in Tatooine’s Boonta Eve Classic (that’s a Star Wars reference for all you non-nerds). I added snow to the game to see if affects the fake Saints. (At press time, only a 10 percent chance of precipitation in Baltimore with a projected high of 37 degrees.–ED.)

New Orleans marches down the field before Colston is stripped at the 13. Uh oh. But the Ravens go 3 and out. On the next possession, Meachem catches a score from the 18. Baltimore responds with a good drive and Ray Rice punches it in. Evans finishes the next drive with a 14-yard TD catch on an all-out Baltimore blitz.

Baltimore drives to their own 49, then have to punt. On the next play, Meachem hauls in a 69-yard TD!

Meachem for seven, then a moment of prayer.

With 40 seconds left in the half, Leigh Torrence intercepts Joe Flacco and takes it to the five.

Torrence intercepts, then is run out of bound (instead of running himself out like Roman Harper)

Brees hits D. Thomas on the next play to go into the half up 28-7.

Baltimore will not score again. Henderson catches a TD and Hartley adds a forty yard field goal as POG Brees hits 17 of 28 for 5 TDs, 0 INTs, to pace New Orleans to a 38-7 statement win.

New Orleans converts 71 percent on third down, while holding the Ravens to 33 percent. Ivory gets 51 yards on 10 carries and Shockey is a beast with 4 catches for 96 yards.

Shockey being a beast.

Meachem ends up with 3 catches for 105 yards, 2 TDs, and Brown and Ellis each collect 1 sack. Bush has 3 runs for 15 yards, 2 catches for 16 yards, and 6 punt returns for 89 yards.

Looking forward to: This year’s “Happy Holidays” vs. “Christmas” card ratio. I’m going to guess it’s 60/40, up from last year’s 50/50.

Not looking forward to: Seattle losing to Atlanta, effectively ending the Saints’ already feeble number one seed hopes. Seahawks! Come on!

Media Prediction: Patriots hype – a.k.a. “Chowdahhead fevah”, a.k.a. “Return of the Gassy Massholes”, a.k.a. “Don’t fahkin’ tahk tah me about that dahg murdahrah Micheal Vick! If Tommy Brady doesn’t win thah MVP, I sweah to Gahd, I’m gahnna punch somebahdy in thah fahkin’ face!” – goes into top gear after they demolish the Packers.

Madden Tip: When playing with other Saints fans, why not play The Saints against – The Saints? Then you won’t get so upset when you get scored on. “Oh Pierre, I can’t stay mad at you.”

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Wow. Hoo boy. That. Was. Amazing. The Bengals game was yet another thrill ride – but not the fun kind. The worst kind. You know when you’re a kid and the roller coaster has a sign that says “You must be this tall to ride”? Somehow, you get on it even though you’re not quite big enough. But once the ride starts, you suddenly realize you really aren’t ready for this, but it’s too late, you’re strapped in. Damn, this thing is climbing really high. AAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!! It’s too fast, too big, I don’t want to be on this ride at all! Oh, no. Is that a loop? It’s three loops! Help! Please let it end! Kill me now! This is going to end badly, I just know it! I really shouldn’t have eaten that chilli dog brreaaggadghhhhhhhhllllrrrrrgh!! Or those cheese friessggggbrrrrraaaaaagggghhh! And then, you’re back on the platform, eyes watering, covered in your own sick, and you solemnly pledge to never, ever, never, neverever, go on that roller coaster again. But since I’m a Saints fan, I’m already back in line, trying to keep the cotton candy down.

Will Smith outside the House of Blues Monday.

Why did Cincy get back in the game? Well, let’s give them some credit. The Bengals are really good when they get hot. They could have quit. There were a few moments when they totally could have quit but instead they kept marching right down the field to score after score. And let’s give the Saints some credit/blame for keeping the Bengals in the game. A 12th man penalty? Seriously? Is that karma for the Viking’s 12th man penalty in the NFC championship game? If so, I guess we got off easy. The Saints could have put the stake in right there, and at other points too, but didn’t. With 30 seconds left, was anyone looking forward to another last second so-called “gimme” field goal attempt? Or overtime, for that matter? But Brees, ah, Brees. With the No-Brainer Freeze? Unfu#$ingbelieveable. I had my crying towel out and ready to go, but quietly put it away. I kept muttering after the game, “at least we’ve got Brees. We’ve always got Brees.”

Right now the Saints seem like a freight train that’s just barely staying on the rails. They can’t put together a three phase game and they aren’t finishing off teams early when the have the opportunity. Strangely, in week 14, we still haven’t seen a complete game from these 2010 Saints. Yet they’re 9 and 3, which is kind of amazing. It might not end up mattering, since Atlanta seems like 2009’s Saints: in the playoff-seeding drivers seat, on a mission, and getting all the breaks. Furthermore, NOLA has four games left against playoff contenders, while ATL only has two. Last week I thought that Tampa was the best team left that they had to face outside of the Saints, and they couldn’t get it done. I’ve (almost) resigned myself to the fact that the Falcons are going to force the Saints to win three on the road instead of two at home (Sigh) to get to the Super Bowl. The good news is, Saints are better on the road than home, and of course, “at least we’ve got Brees. We’ve always got Brees.”

The Rams game scares me. Last year’s Rams game went down to the last play. And this year’s team is much, much better. I like this kid Bradford, he’s the new Matt Ryan. Poised, and in possession of a good running game and (pretty) good defense. I sound like a broken record because I keep saying the same thing every week. So, I’m just going to spout a bunch of clichés. This is the kind of team you can’t let hang around. Gotta put them away. Foot on the gas. Foot on the throat. Kill shot. De lamentations of de women. All that. But will they listen? Here’s what Madden had to say:

St. Louis fumbles the kick off return and Prioleau scores! A little redemption for last week’s atrocious special teams effort. Rams go three and out, then Ivory scores after an eight-play, 57 yd drive. Defenses trade several three and outs, then Ivory scores again on an eight-yard TD run up the bum. Saints up 21-0 at the end of the first quarter.

Harper sack/fumble! But the Saints can’t fall on it (sound familiar?). The Rams’ Brandon Gibson scores on a long catch, and in the two-minute offense, Brees is intercepted in the end zone to go into the half up 21-7.

Side note: Now when I have a two score lead or more, I bring the GD blitz! Pay attention Gregg. Watch and learn, buster. (I am totally kidding here, please don’t kill me, Mr. Williams, sir.) How about his pelvic thrust after the turnover on downs? So fu#$in’ classic! That’s the guy I wanna hang out with at Hooters.

Saints opening drive ends with a 41-yd field goal, followed by another long Gibson TD (who the hell is this guy?). Another New Orleans pick (sorry, Drew), but the defense forces another three and out. Then Bush breaks their backs with a big, 63-yard, off-tackle TD. Hartley adds another FG for a final score of Saints 34, Rams 14.

Pierson Prioleau (!) is the Player of the Game with 1 FF, 1FR, 1TD, and three tackles, Brees is 10-19, 0 TD, 2 INT, while Ivory, 18-79, 2 TD, and Bush, 3 runs for 70 yds, TD,

2 catches for another 28 yds, carry the ground game. Five sacks from Dunbar, Torrence, Shanle, Robinson, and Ellis, on top of four forced fumbles, with two recovered (Ayodele, Prioleau), keep St. Louis’ offense bottled up.

Looking forward to: Rex Ryan’s mouth closed for at least one week. Wait, never mind.

Not looking forward to: “Brady for MVP” chants.

Media Prediction: Number of times the term “Matty Ice” comes up in the next few weeks: 54,400.

Madden Tip: I am so bummed I couldn’t attend the Madden event at HOB this week where you got to play actual Saints in Madden. Did anybody go? Tell me about it in the comments.

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Thanks to Phillip H. Anselmo for covering for me last week with a thrilling wrap-up of last week’s Saintsgiving day miracle. After millions of Saints fans came back to the Thanksgiving table, apologized for screaming at cousin Louie’s punk-ass five-year-old Cowboys fan (“Not in my house, kid! What? Shut up Louie, she needs to hear this. Come on, Brittney, cheer again! Say, ‘Yay Cowboys!’ again. I dare you! See what motherf@#$ing happens!!!”), and threw away their soiled underwear, their attention turned to coming up with a catchy name for Jenkins’ amazing strip and fumble recovery. The Times-Picayune dubbed it “The Turkey Day Takeaway. My suggestions: “The Jerry Jonestown Massacre” and (in feather-not-dot Indian voice) 3. The “Malcolm Scalp ’um Cowboys” play.

While I’m on the subject, check out these two takes on that play. This one is Jim Henderson and Hokie Gajan getting excited. Henderson always knows what to say, how to say it and when. I even love how tonguetied Gajan gets when the adrenaline’s pumping. Maybe they’re not so objective, but they’re doing the GD local call! They’re not supposed to be! Now listen to the “National”, supposedly objective call.

You can hear the tears in Joe Buck’s voice. Then how he dejectedly hopes against hope that the replay will show that Williams was down before the strip. Aikman, Aikman, brings him back by calling it like he sees it, but Dallas is clearly Buck’s favorite team. In Joe Buck’s head: “I have the best job in the world! I get to sit next to the dreamiest, coolest, three-time Super Bowl-winningest QB of all time. I just wanted things to go well for the Cowboys so it would be fun to hang out with Tee-Aik after the game. God, I hope he calls me. Aww shucks, he doesn’t even know I’m alive. And now the stupid Saints are ruining all my plans! Morton’s by candlelight, maybe some Michael Irvin back-in-the-day gossip, then back to the Four Seasons. Stupid Saints! I hate them!”

Does it make any sense for players to call games for their former teams? No, of course not, unless they are the local call. But I get that’s the way it is. But when the national play-by-play guy so blatantly picks sides…Come on! Take a wild guess who will be calling this year’s Super Bowl. Yep, this clown. Aikman, too. Makes you miss Madden (the real one).

Big win for sure, but this time of year don’t they all seem big? Likewise, both Atlanta and Chicago pulled some big ones out of their respective asses last week, with the Packers, Bucs, Giants and Eagles all just one game back. Home field advantage is huge, as we’ve seen, and it looks like this season is going to come down to who blinks first. If the NFC’s number one seed does come down to which of the Saints or Falcons can win out, I like the Saints chances if they develop the killer instinct they had last year when it was time to “crush your enemies, see dem driven before you, and hear de lamentations of de women.”

Click here to view the embedded video.

Like Dallas, Cincinnati is another one of those teams that seemed like a good pick before the season, yet have they have disappointed. Other than the Cowboys, is there a team with a bigger gap between the preseason expectations and their current reality? Well, there was a reason for all the optimism. This is a very dangerous club that swept the tough AFC North just last year. Their front line of Palmer, Ochocinco, T.O., and Benson have now added dangerous rookie WR Jordan Shipley to their potent offense. The Bengals have some problems on defense (15th against the pass, 23rd against the run), but can play well when motivated. This could be a tough match-up for the Saints, especially if the Bengals get Cedric Benson going. It takes at least two defenders to bring him down as he never drops at first contact. However, this team seems to be unraveling after losing their last five in a row.

Despite the Saints current hot streak, they seem to want to play down to the level of their opponents. Unless Brees and Co. put the Bengals away early, this game could easily go the way of the Cleveland game. Can Cincy pull off the upset? Here’s what Madden had to say.

Shockey scores, then enters another dimension.

Cincinnati gets the ball first and drives for a 31-yard field goal. Saints respond with a three-play, 75-yard drive that ends with Shockey in the corner of the endzone.

Saints D holds the Bengals on third and 1 to force a punt. Offense bogs down in the red zone and Hartley kicks a 41-yarder. On Cincy’s next possession, Robinson picks Palmer! Shockey scores again two plays later to put the Who Dats up 17-3. T.O. scores, then a missed extra point. Then Bush puts the game away with a 75-yard sweep for a touchdown!

Bush 75-yard TD run and ironic Heisman pose.

Saints go into the half up 24-9. Hartley tacks on 29 and 51 yard goals and Colston scores a 17-yard TD. Player of the game D. Brees ends his day 17-24, 275, 3 TDs, 1 INT, and Bush, Ivory and Jones combine for 110 yards on the ground on 14 carries. Bush redeems his Dallas gaffes with 185 total yards and a TD on eight touches, two punt returns, four rushes, and two catches. Saints defense has three sacks, one INT in forcing Palmer into a dreadful 11 for 29, 131 yard, 1 TD, 1 INT day. Benson is held to 68 yards on 13 carries as the Saints take down the Bengals in a 37-9 cold weather blowout.

Looking forward to: Tampa Bay knocking off Atlanta this week. Write it down. The Bucs were a yard shy of beating Atlanta in the Georgia Dome earlier this year, and Atlanta hasn’t turned the ball over in four games. That streak ends this week, and so does Atlanta’s five game roll.

Not looking forward to:  My plane lands in L.A. at 9:38 AM Sunday. The Cincy game starts out there at 10. The rental agency is going to give me an aneurism waiting for the car, I just know it!

Media Prediction: Hype for Jets @ Patriots will make it seem like there are only two teams in the NFL.

Madden Tip: Okay, so I got Doritos 3D working, and I like it. However, it’s not Avatar 3D, it’s Friday the 13^th, Part 3 3D. All red and blue glasses-style. So as fun as it is, it starts to give you a headache after half an hour. But that’s nothing beer can’t cure!

Rock Tip: Come see Supagroup (midnight) at Tipitina’s Friday night with special guests Happy Talk (11 p.m.), and Brah (10 p.m.), as part of Tips’ Free Fridays series.

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NEW ORLEANS SAINTS AT CINCINNATI BENGALS, DEC. 5

It’s snowing in Cincinnati; seems like it should be an advantage for the Bengals. But the Saints get up on them early 17-0 thanks to a heavy dose of Pierre Thomas (crossing my fingers he’s back by now) and Marcus Colston. The Who Deys make a game of it with two Brees INTs, including one for a TD, but the Who Dats hang on for a 24-21 road win.

ST. LOUIS RAMS AT THE SAINTS, DEC. 12

Rams win the toss and march to a FG. They’re going to pay for that. Long drive, Henderson TD. Rams punt, Bush scores on the return. Rookie Patrick Robinson gets his first interception and picks off Bradford. Colston scores on the short field. It’s 21-3 before the St. Louis fans find their seats. The Rams have no answer for the Saints offense and the D takes the ball away from them three times en route to an easy 38-10 pounding.

THE SAINTS AT BALTIMORE RAVENS, DEC. 19

It’s snowing again in the AFC North and the Ravens drive to the Saints 3 before Vilma forces and Sharper recovers a Ray Rice fumble. Eight plays and 97 yards later, Colston caps the defining drive of the game. The Saints out-physical one of the most physical teams in the league, and go into halftime up 21-3 on three Brees TDs. It’s the defense’s turn in the second half as Robinson, Vilma and Shanle all sack Flacco, and Porter and Sharper each get a pick for a 31-10 statement win heard round the NFL.

THE SAINTS AT ATLANTA FALCONS, DEC. 27

It’s a back and forth game as you would expect with the Saints taking a 21-17 lead into half. But the game’s in prime time, and Reggie Bush loves prime time. He scores his second TD of the game on the second half’s first possession. On the next Atlanta possession, Sharper picks Ryan to steal the momentum for good. A long, ass-pounding drive later, Shockey scores to make it 35-17 going into the fourth. Brees finishes 20-27, 278 yards, 4 TDs and 0 INTs. Meachem and T. Porter add TDs late to make the final score a head turning 45-17 victory over the Dirty Birds.

THE REGGIE FACTOR

I try to play with a balance of the run and the pass, but when Brees gets hot, why not go with it? And Reggie Bush makes Brees really hot (wait, that sounds weird). With Bush back, the red zone offense gets a lot more potent. Pitches outside, draw plays, screens and plays to the TEs all work way better with him either as the back or as a decoy. On the rest of the field, Henderson and Meachem start getting those long TDs we’ve been missing, but Marcus Colston benefits most from Reggie being back. He’s not going to be double teamed nearly as much, so watch for him to start scoring often.

See Chris Lee when Supagroup, the Happy Talk Band and Brah play a free show at Tipitina’s Friday, Dec. 3.

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Bye week. Time to get healthy. Refresh the body, refresh the mind, prepare for the run before the stretch run. And I hope the Saints are taking advantage of the bye week too! Badum-dum! Ha-cha-cha-cha chah!

Last Sunday was weird. I went to the Po-Boy Fest with the wife and didn’t think about football all day. I had all this free time to do some fun stuff, got a few things done around the house I’ve been neglecting forever, puttered around the garage, etc. Kind of a typical suburban husband weekend. All in all, pretty lame! (Just kidding, wife!)

A few things about the NFC race emerged from the bye week, however:  1. The Giants are not the world beaters they were purported to be, 2. The Falcons are the best team in the NFC – until I saw Monday Night Football and now, 3. The Eagles are the best team in the NFC (maybe). And that’s not even bringing up the Saints, Bucs, Packers, Bears or NFC West Team To Be Announced (from now on known as NFCW:TBA). What a mess!

The Carolina game seems like a million years ago already, but the Saints finally put together a solid, three-phase win. Who cares if the Panthers were overmatched/struck by the injury bug/maybe quit a little bit? Atlanta’s got them twice before the end of the season; think they care?

Forget playoff scenarios, and wild cards, and tie breakers, and all that. The only thing that matters around here until the last week of the season is the next game. And the next game is the NFC West Division-leading Seattle Seahawks. I like the Saints when Payton has an extra week to think about what they’re going to do, but here’s what Madden had to say:

SEA @ NOR 11/21/10, 3 p.m. (note the unusual start time and extra tailgating time!)

Meachem scores.

Seattle gets the ball first and moves the ball well until it’s third and long. Interception Patrick Robinson! Good job, rook! Colston gets involved early with Bush on the field drawing away double coverage on him and Meachem scores from the 14. Seattle punt, then Henderson for a 26-yard TD.

The Saints’ problems with pesky TEs continues as Hasselbeck hooks up with Carlson for a TD. Another long drive, this time courtesy of Julius Jones, ends with a Colston TD. Seattle’s Golden (Brown) Tate(rs) answers with a TD. A few more punts then Shockey scores on Brees’ fourth touchdown toss. Saints up 28-14 at the half.

Shockey scores!

Unfortunately for Seattle, New Orleans gets the ball first and they have no answer for Colston. Touchdown! Now there’s blood in the water; here comes the blitz, Seahawks! Seahawks miss a FG and Henderson scores on the short field. Tate fumbles, Sharper, ever in the right place at the right time, recovers. Another Betts TD on the ground and a meaningless TD by Seattle’s Williams late makes the 49-21 Seahawks beatdown.

Brees hits 25 of 36, 362 yards, 6 (yes, six) TDs and 1 INT.  Saints are +1 in turnovers and 8 of 9 on third down, while Seattle is 5 of 9, mostly in garbage time. Julius Jones has 11 carries for 71 yards, Colston catches 7 for 107, 2 TDs, Shockey grabs 5 for 63, TD, and Henderson breaks out of his slump going 4 for 77 yards and 2 TDs. Bush is back, and has 115 yards on seven touches – three catches, two runs, and two punt returns.

Looking forward to: Michael Vick’s comeback story taking over as the lead ‘soap opera’ narrative for the NFL. I grew up in an evangelical church where sinners would commonly give their “testimony”. This is where the now-reformed Christian tells the story of just how low he or she got before the Lord turned around their life. The worse they were in sin, the worse the things they did, the more they had to overcome, the better the testimony. This reminds me of that – for whatever reason – killing dogs gets a far more intense emotional response from the public than a vehicular homicide (Donte Stallworth), or (more than one) alleged rape (Ben Rothleisberger), meaning Vick has been the biggest sinner of any NFL player in recent history. This is going to be fun to watch the media/NFL do a complete reworking of their Vick narrative and turn Vick’s sins into simply great background for his redemption.

Two years ago:  “Dog fighting!  Dog murderer!  DROWNING dogs!  Electrocuting dogs! Killing Dogs With His Bare Hands! Prison! Deserves it! Screw that guy! Hate that guy! Bad! Bad! Bad! (Also, never lived up to expectations for the Falcons).”

For the rest of the year: “Comeback! Reformed! Thankful! New guy both on the field and off (not a dog murderer anymore at all)! Michael Vick for MVP!  MVP! MVP! (also, former dog murderer) MVP!”

Not looking forward to: Sure it’s fun to rubberneck on the carnage of a crash and burn – for a while (Brett who?). But the focus always turns to winners, no matter what they did before (see Michael Vick above). And I’m gonna miss reveling just a little bit in other’s misery. Except for the Cowboys! Schadenfreude, anyone? Hell yes! As The Onion “reported“:

According to a recent USA Today poll, 45 percent of the country said that no team deserves to perform this terribly under this much pressure, except for the Dallas Cowboys. Thirty-two percent said that the season has been emotionally taxing for people who grew up worshipping Roger Staubach, Troy Aikman, and Emmitt Smith, and that those people should probably go fuck themselves anyway.

Ninety-nine percent of respondents said that if karma has caught up with the Cowboys, and they are finally getting payback for all the times Michael Irvin pushed off and was never called for it, or all the years they mysteriously never played an away game in December, then karma is the greatest thing in the history of the world.

Let’s hope they go back to being pathetic by next week.

Media Prediction: Michael Vick will win MVP (Most Valuable Prisoner)!  ”Remember that time that really kickass quarterback was framed just so he would have to play in the Warden’s sadistic football game? And his best friend on the inside (who incidentally was saved by Vick’s bow and arrows after he was raped by hillbillies) was killed by a gasoline-filled light bulb? And he was supposed to throw the game? And then he didn’t? And now he’s a hero to all the other prisoners, which is good because he is going to stay in there a long time?”  Wait a minute…

Madden Tip: I haven’t tried it yet because I’m a little confused (okay, lazy), but apparently there is a 3D version of Madden online right now. It has something to do with Doritos. Yes, the snack. No, I don’t know what flavor-dusted corn chips have to do with fake football, nor do I know if 3D glasses make them taste better, but I will figure out what the hell is going on and get back to you.  No, I am not making this up.

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