OK, so the big game day is here. The Saints either pull it off–or they don’t. For the sake of the city’s morale and because home games bring a lot of money to the city, I hope they win. Alex was screaming with laughter the other day when it was announced that Deuce McAllister was back (I thought he’d won a million bucks or something). Actually, there are a few people in New Orleans who aren’t at the Saints game, and I’m one of them because I’m at the office working on the Mardi Gras issue. I apologize, but I’ve never been a big football fan. I find it ridiculously boring. When I was a kid, I watched baseball and boxing on TV with my grandfather. But those were the days when the NFL didn’t control the sports scene in America. For anyone as ancient as me, I can remember when baseball was “America’s game.” Not anymore.

All that’s changed in the past 50 years. The NFL is the million-pound gorilla in sports.  I admire the organization, as it’s proved to be an unbelievable master of marketing. The whole country is now goo-goo eyed with football fever. It cracks me up to warch the TV ad with Alyssa Milano modeling ladies’ clothing with team names imprinted on them. I think that is just so bizarre. Ladies, if you buy this crap to support a football team, you are whack. But that NFL marketing works, doesn’t it? It may be working a little too well (have you kept up with the NFL lawsuit that’s now being discussed by the Supreme Court?)

American football is BORING. It’s stupid. It definitely brings out the worst in its audiences (that also goes for college football–those people are really fanatics). European football is a lot more interesting. But I think I figured out why it hasn’t taken off in the US. Ever watch a soccer game? It’s fast, very fast. Not deadly slow like football. And you know what? Here’s the key issue: you can’t put as many commercials into a soccer game because it’s too fast. It’s all about the money to be made by the NFL, the owners, the broadcast media who cover and promote the hell out of the sport. They got y’all buffaloed into thinking football is the greatest thing in your life, at least during one season of the year. Now that is just sad.

I know a lot of you reading this will think I’m unpatriotic when it comes to the Saints. Well, hell, somebody’s gotta stand up for the underdog few of us who don’t glue ourselves to televisions to watch football. I have a lot better things to discuss over a few beers than football scores and stats (or baseball and basketball, for that matter). Get a freakin’ real life, would you?

Football has never engaged my mind. I’ve tried, I really have. Can someone tell me what I need to do to start to loving football?

Let the hate mail begin…if you want, you can  throw something at me at the Best of The Beat, next Friday night. Just don’t make it hard or wet.