It’s week four of the NFL’s 2016 season and the Saints are sitting at the bottom of the NFC South with zero wins and three losses. We’re sitting at the bottom of the NFL as a whole too, an inauspicious position we share with useless entities like the Cleveland Browns and Jacksonville Jaguars.
Fortunately, one of the greatest band’s of the last quarter century–and that is an objectively true statement–wrote a theme song for moments like this. Yes, I’m talking about “Theme From the Bottom” from Phish’s classic 1996 album Billy Breathes.
Now, no one in their right mind would ever share a studio album rendition of a Phish song, which is why I’ve selected a version from the band’s February 16, 1997 show at Alter Wartesaal in Cologne, Germany. This one was chosen on account of the concert venue’s unpronounceable name and the fact that it features some genuinely glorious moments of improvisation.
Phish’s jams are a lot like the Saints offense: exciting, masterfully executed and often awe-inspiring. It’s what people buy tickets to see. Phish’s lyrical segments, on the other hand, are a lot like the Saints defense: inane, poorly executed and often downright cringeworthy. You have to get through the singing to get to the jams that you actually came for, and which you hope will ultimately make it all worthwhile. The Saints offense has not lived up to this goal in 2016, and some would say Phish hasn’t lived up to it this year either.
In any case, the Saints will head to San Diego this Sunday to take on the Chargers at Qualcomm Stadium. Let’s hope our offense is more like The Clifford Ball and less like Coventry (you are not expected to know what that means).