The Search for America’s Next Cliche

[UPDATED] Today we received the following press release from production company behind Jersey Shore:

LOS ANGELES, CA (June 27, 2011) – Doron Ofir Casting in conjunction with 495 Productions is proud to announce the summer 2011 casting tour in search of the hottest, proudest Gulf Southerners, Bayou residents and Cajuns to star in PARTY DOWN SOUTH (working title) by the legandary Casting Company and Production Company of MTV’s smash hit series, JERSEY SHORE…the search is on for the next big television personalities who are ragin’ Cajuns and appreciate all that the Southern Gulf cities have to offer.

“American is the greatest melting pot of cultures, dialects, lifestyles and hometown pride! I am excited at the prospect of presenting a cast that’s rich with personalities, that capture the world’s attention by showcasing the unique flavor of this slice of the South” – Doron Ofir Executive Casting Director.

In an effort to find the most outrageous and best characters in the South, casting events and interviews will be held throughout the month of July in Louisiana, Mississippi and Alabama.

Doron Ofir Casting is seeking Gulf-Coast Southerners who are at least 21 years old and looking to prove that the party down South will rise again. If you call ‘gators your neighbors, reckon Mardi Gras should be a national holiday, your daisy dukes fit just right and are ready to make your Maw Maw and Paw Paw proud, we are looking for you!

The official casting and digital application to be considered and invited to audition can be found at www.partydownsouth.com

Why do I fear “the unique flavor of this slice of the South” will be as drunken and horny as anything else MTV puts on television? And if they’re looking for hard-partying redneck gator wrestlers in booty shorts, why do I think—er, reckon—that I’m not going to see any reality I recognize on the show?

Update June 28, 8:30 a.m.

I stopped reading too soon. As a reader pointed out, the website‘s actually worse in its efforts to shop for cliches, and my attempts at sarcasm got a little close to the mark:

Doron Ofir Casting in association with 495 Productions is looking for 8 guys and gals who are keepin’ it Southern, are the loudest, proudest and want to party their asses off on the sickest reality show during one big Crawfish peelin’, Poboy eatin’, Bourbon drinkin’ Dixie lovin’ bayou summer!

If you call ‘gators your neighbors, reckon Mardi Gras should be a national holiday, your daisy dukes fit just right and are ready to make your Maw Maw and Paw Paw proud, we are looking for you!

Kegs, muddin’ and cook-outs, can only mean one thing … it’s summertime y’all!

Now casting the hottest and proudest Gulf-Coast Southerners who are at least 21 years old who can prove that the party down South will rise again … Screw sippin’ champagne, let’s make it a six pack summer!

Oh Lawdy, it’s time to Party! Apply now!

Where to start? All the omitted final -g’s? The crawfish out of season? The aggressive pitch for dumbness, starting with the announcement’s own sad grammar?

Then the application wants to know about you:

What is your current living situation? Who do you live with and where?

Are you satisfied with your love life? yes/no – please explain.

Break down your typical day from the moment you wake up to the moment you call it a night.

What makes you “Gulf Southern”?

How do you define Southern Pride?

What do you love about the South, The Bayou, The Cajun lifestyle?

BRAG! What are your best assets? Physical, material and social:

What is your favorite way to let loose and have fun?

What do you love most about where you live?

What makes you stand out? What do people remember about you? What are you known for?

Define your style, what do you wear, what do you drive:

Do you dream of a different life … if so explain?

What is the most important thing in life?

Why do you deserve this amazing opportunity?

Have you ever appeared on television? If yes, give details:

Obviously, questions designed to find rocket scientists, and I appreciate that they characterize the opportunity to save you the effort of having to search for the right word.

Easy jokes aside, Party Down South seems to be poised to present Cajuns and Gulf Coasters as the New Guidos. That by itself is simply sad because there will be party gladiators who’ll step up and make their people a national joke for television exposure. What’s gross is the seeming lack of knowledge about the Gulf South that this call for auditions reveals, starting with the easy conflation of  “the South, The Bayou, The Cajun lifestyle,” as if they’re all the same thing.

You get the impression they’re looking for this, only with more booze and dudes with LSU baseball caps on backwards.

  • John Jacobs, Tucson AZ

    Oh great.  Click the web site – it’s even worse than the press release above.  Perhaps we could take up a collection and pay them not to do this show.  Ugh.

  • John Jacobs, Tucson AZ

    Oh great.  Click the web site – it’s even worse than the press release above.  Perhaps we could take up a collection and pay them not to do this show.  Ugh.

  • John Jacobs, Tucson AZ

    Oh great.  Click the web site – it’s even worse than the press release above.  Perhaps we could take up a collection and pay them not to do this show.  Ugh.

  • John Jacobs, Tucson AZ

    Oh great.  Click the web site – it’s even worse than the press release above.  Perhaps we could take up a collection and pay them not to do this show.  Ugh.

  • John Jacobs, Tucson AZ

    Oh great.  Click the web site – it’s even worse than the press release above.  Perhaps we could take up a collection and pay them not to do this show.  Ugh.

  • John Jacobs, Tucson AZ

    Oh great.  Click the web site – it’s even worse than the press release above.  Perhaps we could take up a collection and pay them not to do this show.  Ugh.

  • John Jacobs, Tucson AZ

    Oh great.  Click the web site – it’s even worse than the press release above.  Perhaps we could take up a collection and pay them not to do this show.  Ugh.

  • John Jacobs, Tucson AZ

    Oh great.  Click the web site – it’s even worse than the press release above.  Perhaps we could take up a collection and pay them not to do this show.  Ugh.

  • John Jacobs, Tucson AZ

    Oh great.  Click the web site – it’s even worse than the press release above.  Perhaps we could take up a collection and pay them not to do this show.  Ugh.

  • John Jacobs, Tucson AZ

    Oh great.  Click the web site – it’s even worse than the press release above.  Perhaps we could take up a collection and pay them not to do this show.  Ugh.

  • John Jacobs, Tucson AZ

    Oh great.  Click the web site – it’s even worse than the press release above.  Perhaps we could take up a collection and pay them not to do this show.  Ugh.

  • Anonymous

    Jesus wept. I just looked at the site and you’re right. I’ll update with appropriate horror.

  • Anonymous

    Jesus wept. I just looked at the site and you’re right. I’ll update with appropriate horror.

  • Anonymous

    Jesus wept. I just looked at the site and you’re right. I’ll update with appropriate horror.

  • Anonymous

    Jesus wept. I just looked at the site and you’re right. I’ll update with appropriate horror.

  • Anonymous

    Jesus wept. I just looked at the site and you’re right. I’ll update with appropriate horror.

  • Anonymous

    Jesus wept. I just looked at the site and you’re right. I’ll update with appropriate horror.

  • Anonymous

    Jesus wept. I just looked at the site and you’re right. I’ll update with appropriate horror.

  • Anonymous

    Jesus wept. I just looked at the site and you’re right. I’ll update with appropriate horror.

  • Anonymous

    Jesus wept. I just looked at the site and you’re right. I’ll update with appropriate horror.

  • Anonymous

    Jesus wept. I just looked at the site and you’re right. I’ll update with appropriate horror.

  • Anonymous

    Jesus wept. I just looked at the site and you’re right. I’ll update with appropriate horror.